Hide and seek of the Soul

Preface:

I have been aching to write about this as the thought came to me one morning as I lamented about my usual worries or loneliness of grief over the loss of both my parents. I had been listening to a lot of devotional music and it was able to bring a lot of solace to my aching heart. Suddenly this idea came flooding like a flash of light which overwhelmed me, as I realized something.  That gave me immense happiness and a feeling as if I had never actually been alone in the first place. There was someone who was always with me.  Here is an attempt to describe the journey of the soul from birth to death as it finds love, happiness and ultimately God.

Introduction:

When I talk about realizing something, I am talking about the presence of God in our lives. Our connection to the supreme creator who made us all. Even an Atheist cannot deny the existence of Law of Gravity or explain why the Gravity exists. So is the case with our Creator, we just have to accept that if we exist there is a God who created us or accept that there is a Supreme force which exists which maintains the order in the Universe.

It is difficult to define the beauty of God’s creation.  There is immense joy in being alive and able to see, touch, hear, smell and taste things. All creatures have the sense organs which give us these pleasures bestowed upon us by our creator. Apart from all this what human beings were also bestowed upon is a very unique type of ability to think. A very powerful ability which is unique to our species because other species can think but their thoughts are more primal and related to their needs for survival. They are very much tuned into the nature and their own bodies and act totally in line with those needs for food, shelter and survival. We must also say at least that is what we have found out so far that human beings have a greater power of reasoning which gives them the ability to outsmart other species and survive better.

So we are able to think about many aspects of life and universe and develop philosophies based on our experiences and that of others. But we are also very emotionally wired and are continuously under the serious grip of various emotions that plague our thinking and also totally block our rationality. We can see ourselves worrying about things which are not in our control and unable to accept the changing circumstances in life and adjust to the changes in life. If we take a step back we can actually take a look at our own self and our worries and situations and make notes on how we actually ended up in those situations. So we can look at our life as a spectator just as if we are watching a biography of some famous person. That is a great boon to our species. We have great power within us which we often do not realize. Each of us are built with a cope up mechanism which we can unleash with a bit of self-exploration and belief in the God who made us.

How we perceive God comes to us from our faith or religion or based on our own internal turmoil as we seek God. I am trying to maintain gender neutrality as much as I can because there is nothing to prove that God is actually male or female. We attribute even that to God because our sensory abilities are sometimes limited to what we have seen in the world created by God. It is difficult to perceive God with eyes that have not seen unless we use our faith or religion. From the time immemorial people believed in God and came up with ideas about God as they could best think of. God as the creator, God who maintains order or the God who can destroy. God has also been defined as someone who is keeping a count of your sins and when your life ends you will end up in heaven or hell based on how well you do. While some philosophies are primitive the faith kept getting refined and the modern day believers in God might have a broader understanding than the primitive people. But in reality the exploration is still going on and will continue as long as there is life.

Being a Hindu I grew up seeing God as a Shiva, a Rama or a Krishna or Lakshmi or Parvathi or Saraswathi. For those who are from other faiths it might be difficult to understand God worshiped in many forms. Some might even think how come there are so many Gods. The plurality in referring to God might be confusing but as I grew up I figured out that we worship God in many forms. It was very difficult for me too as I had exposure to other faiths like Christianity or Islam which define God as singular. Some cultures might worship a formless God who does not have a physical presence. God is an abstract presence, an undeniable yet divine presence. Whatever your faith might be you will know God some way. If you do not follow any religion then you will still know God in some way which you might not be able to define.

Let me explain my perception of God as a child. I used to regularly visit a Hanuman temple with my Grand Mother. She is told me he is an ape God which always protects little Kids. So there was my God who protects me at all times. Each time I was fearful I would chant his name and I would feel safe. As I started my education we had to pray to Saraswathi the Goddess of Learning. I started worshiping her as I loved to study and each time I had a tough thing to study I would worship her. Probably when I was around 11 or 12 I got captivated by the image of Lord Shiva who sits in meditation with his eyes close. The image brought peace to my mind and I started praying to God in his form with devotion. As I went to a missionary college, I was a scared and depressed kid and we had a counselor who gave me a cross saying he will give you courage and I was hanging on to it for some time as that helped me a lot. Later on I grew up and got married and went into a family who believed in Rama who is described as a great son, great husband and great brother and great empathetic person who was loved by all and I started praying to him. As a married woman I was encouraged to pray to Mother Goddess who would bestow my family with wealth, progeny and peace. So I started worshiping her. No matter in what form I did I did worship God.

I asked my Aunt one day, why is it so confusing. She told me just believe in one thing and think everything is just one. All forms we worship are just one. It is called Advaita or lack of duality which was propagated by a great sage called Shankaracharya who is believed to be an incarnation of God. I was very inspired by that and from that I stopped being fearful of angering one God or the other and started believing in God. The form did not matter much. I started seeing God in various forms as ways of appreciating him in various people in our lives or various species that surround us. So that is what brings me to what I am trying to write about. It is about how we see God in our life and how he mesmerizes our soul and entertains us, nourishes us, protects us and exists in us.

Hide and Seek of the Soul

A baby is conceived and spends nine months in Mother’s womb and there is enough scientific evidence to prove that even unborn babies are able to dream, smile and think. Even in such early states there is someone who is making that baby smile. Can you imagine being in a compact compartment as a mother’s womb totally restricted in movements? How do the babies manage that? We can argue that they are still developing or forming but by 8 months baby is fully formed and still they are able to wait till the moment of their birth to survive in that tiny chamber. If we think this way what if they were tuned to their creator. They are being coached or prepared for life by the God their creator, may be. I have to use these words like “may be” because I am not proposing a fact I am just proposing a possibility that our connection to God is from the time before our birth.

From the birth the babies are captivated by their Mother in the beginning and then their other parent. They have absolutely no chance of survival without their parents and if you observe the babies they are so tuned into their parents. They are mesmerized by their parents and their loving embrace and seek them and the warmth of being close to them so much. You can see that even in an infant just a couple weeks old. So there starts the process of seeing God in people and our family. It is the same with parents too. They are able to find the divine warmth and are totally mesmerized by the charm of their little bundle of joy.

I listened to a preacher once who was talking about Mother and how important she is. He was explaining how a Mother delicately takes care of every need of her child. Even if is a simple deed like giving a massage, or giving a bath to the baby or laying out the bed did you notice with how carefully a Mother does things for her baby or child. She makes sure the child is properly fed, clothed and safe. She feeds the baby, sings lullabies to put the baby to sleep and make sure she is there as soon as the baby calls for her. I have to speak of Mothers first because in God’s creation mothers play a vital part. Except for human species in other species Mothers do everything about a child from birth to making them independent. Again human beings are luckier as we have both a Mother and Father who stay with us unless fate brings something else. That is exactly what God for us too. But we are able to see the traces of God’s love in our parents. That is why I have to say we are mesmerized by our parents at a tender age because we connect to the God who made us through them. So God is actually peeking at us through our parents.

Things will keep changing as more people come into our lives. We have siblings, Friends and teachers and extended families. But we experience the Grace and love of God through all of them. But in every case it might not be as profound influence as our attachment to our parents as kids. Some kids might actually be more attached to one parent or their grandparents. But there is always someone giving you that warmth, joy and love you need. So again it is like our soul seeks God and like Hide and seek the game goes on. God shows himself to you in some person at one time in some other person at some other time. We keep longing for love and companionship and he keeps coming back to us. We cannot be without him and he cannot be without us. So that is what I have realized and that realization made me give this title to my thoughts –“Hide and seek of the Soul”.

So moving on to the next phase in a child’s life. As they grow up you will notice that their fascination in parents will start declining and they start finding that again in their friends. They are constantly looking for Friends who are the same age as them. My daughter even goes to the extent of defining it as same height or same size. It is absolute bliss for them to be in the company of little people who are just like them. We can talk same things like them act just like them. So they might find more happiness in the company of their friends where they find more acceptance as they are. So there we can see they find God again.

So parents become family and friends become happiness. We still need both friends and family. Some who are luckier will have Grand parents and siblings who also give them a lot of love and acceptance. But all along it is the same need. The need to be loved and accepted and the need for companion ship and the need for someone to be there for you and you to be there for someone. We might find great fascination in our teachers too. I always found I was captivated by their knowledge and maybe I found God in them as well.

In my culture they say Mother is like God, Father is like God and Teacher is like God too. Mother gives birth and takes care of you and Father provides for you and protects you and Teacher educates you and enlightens you. All three are considered to be equivalent to God. We also consider a guest as God and treat them with lot of respect and love. We also consider Kids as God because of their pure untarnished spirit. We respect elders and treat them as God too. But again I am saying it is in the Vedic culture but I am not saying every Indian is actually seeing God in all their family and Friends. We have enough stories of these definitions not being met. I just wanted to mention culture and faith because that has a profound influence on your philosophy.

There is also a beautiful hymn which defines God like this – Tvameva Mata Pita Tvameva, Tvameva Bandhu cha Sakha Tvameva. It means God you are my Mother, you are my Father, You are my relative and you are my Friend. A very beautiful verse which says God is everything to us. 

Another phase in life where you will experience a great fascination might be when someone falls in Love for the first time or may be even the tenth time. I have to say this because I think sometimes first love is over rated. For some it might be a very profound influence and for others it might be just an infatuation. You might have noticed that your mind might have been totally captivated by the charm of that person. It might be their smile or their confidence or the way they walk or talk you will see that a person in love is totally mesmerized by Love I see this phase of life also as another way God is actually giving us another peek through another person. It is impossible to find joy and happiness unless it is a will of God.

Moving on in life you will find a life partner and it might seem like that person is a gift of God. The initial days you will again see the same fascination and it wanes over a period of time with kids and more responsibilities coming into your life. Again it is the same experience our soul seems great bliss in a person and gets great comfort and warmth and love from a person and that too is our soul seeing a glimpse of God.

The most beautiful one which you will experience in life is a child. For a mother the child is picture perfect. She adores her baby and forgets the whole world in those little blissful eyes. So captivating is the innocence and joy in those little baby’s eyes that it very few people in the world who can resist that charm. Another glimpse of God. Sometimes I would meditate I am worshiping God by taking care of of my little baby. Their children’s joy, their needs, their love, their upbringing becomes the purpose of their life for most parents. But I have seen many parents whose children have moved away from them either for a job, or after getting married or for creating their own personal identity. There might be different reasons but the fact is that joy too is temporary and we must accept that. I have seen parents resenting their own children for what they grow up to, for not reciprocating their love not being there for them. I have seen many children who grow up to resent their parents as well. It does happen and it is bound to happen because this is just a hide and seek of our soul. God resides in many forms and he does not just remain static in one person or moment. We keep seeking God and he keeps seeking us over and over again.

But there is one thing that we must realize though. We can see the glimpse of God in many people in our lives but we must not assume that they are God. I have to say this because if you make someone the God in your lives that person will not be able to come up to your expectations. The only perfection we can find is God in this universe and to try to see such perfection in people around is a delusion. While we must appreciate each smile bestowed upon our soul through various people who interact with us in our daily lives we cannot be under the bondage of attachment. That steals the beauty of life and leaves us deprived of the simple joys of life. Detachment does not mean that we do not love or talk or communicate or help or feel anything for anyone. It is impossible to be detached in a world where each soul is in some way connected to the other. But detachment means understanding the temporal nature of things and accepting the fact that people and circumstances change and we cannot remain attached to a particular state of a person or things.

While you loved that one person with all your heart you must accept to part ways when situations do not let things continue beyond a particular period of time. It is like the tracks of the train, they will separate as destiny calls for different paths for different people. So when the time comes, we must let go and develop the courage to move on and yet not breed any resentment towards the person, in case it was the decision of that person not yours. There is a great quote from Swami Vivekananda who had a profound influence on me in my early youth.

Just reflect upon some of his great quotes:

“If you Love God’s creation more than God you will be disillusioned.”

“All love is expansion, all selfishness is contraction. Love is therefore the law of life.”

“If I love myself despite my infinite faults, how can I hate any one at the Glimpse of a few faults?”

“The Formation of Society, the institution of Marriage, the love for children, our good works, morality and ethics are all different forms of renunciation”.

If you ponder in particular on the last quote it says however you pursue religion, love or truth you are in essence pursuing Renunciation. If a child was everything for a Mother she has to part with her child at some time in life and that is renunciation and if a Mother was everything for a child at some point the child has to part with Mother and that is renunciation. There is nothing permanent in the world and to hold on to something so strongly that losing it makes you feel like you have lost everything is a problem. We must practice love with detachment to maintain our sanity in this hectic world. No one thing can be everything and everything that crosses your path is leading you to him. You may not think of that particular instance that way but it is all part of the same process.

We are like two magnets who will always attract. Our Soul and God. The Law of Gravity cannot be denied. A series of adventures and misadventures is what life is and at the end of the game we always find each other.  You and your God are so tight and you will remain so. It is as much as of a fact as you holding your firm footing on the earth and not drifting away into space.

And thought it might be scary for some people to perceive I have seen another point of interaction with God. That is end of our life. I have been with my close family at such times and experienced it, when it is time of death it is God whom we seek again. Because Death in itself is a point of ultimate renunciation. We might be fearful of it because we hold on to our other attachments and are fearful of the final renunciation.

You will see the magic of God’s creation and how joy in inscribed all over his creation if you explore your inside. We seek from outside what is essentially within us. I will tell you sometimes you look at yourself in a mirror. Just pay attention to your own eyes and I am sure you will like that person. Because in that person again is a glimpse of God. So God is not only in others he is also inside your own soul.

If you think this way, it is our soul and the God and the universe. He is here and he is there and we keep looking for our creator to go back to him to find peace and eternal bliss. Just think for a moment that all people in the world are just images and they come to life when the moment is right and God enters them and his benevolence shines upon you through them and you start liking them, their presence, their companionship and God will move on to another image and that person becomes a reflection of God’s grace. You will always find Love and you will always find God if you were to only go looking for him. Do not look for people, look for glimpses of God. Not just in people, in the nature in the cosmos, in circumstances and good times and also bad times.

This is just my interpretation or realization that dawned upon me. I wanted to capture the beauty of the thought and wanted to put it in the best words I can find and lock the realization in my heart. It might not stay for too long because I am just human. But a friend always told me, maintain a daily conscious connection with God and I must do that to maintain my inner peace.

If you have read this far I must thank you for the patience and desire to learn the experiences of another soul in the pursuit of God or Happiness. I am grateful to God, my parents, my family and my Friends who have all contributed to my thoughts and provided a building block for my character.

Let me finish with another few beautiful quotes from Swami Vivekananda:

“You have to grow from the inside out. None can teach you, none can make you spiritual. There is no other teacher but your own soul”.

“Everything in the universe if yours, Stretch out your arms and embrace it with Love. If you ever felt you wanted to do that, you have felt God”.

That being said always remember this one last quote:

“Talk to yourself once in a day, otherwise you may miss meeting an excellent person”.

Let there is be love, let there be peace and let there be enlightenment.