I have been wondering from long, what exactly is being good ? I mean Good as defined by God, or by the laws of the world, good in the eyes of everyone. I have great doubts about it, and the doubts keep increasing as I grow older. I am unable to see anyone who is good, I mean universally good. Some are good in the sense of religion, some seem to be good in their work, some seem to be good at talking, some at writing, but is there anyone who is really good in all ways ? If there is what is it ? I think and think and come to only one reasonably convincing answer. Being Good is being someone who likes themselves. Because there is no better judge of character than our own conscience and sometimes every one else is biased. But even as it sounds really easy, it is the toughest thing to do, to like ourselves for what we are. I have seen great people who do not like themselves much. Isn't our life too complicated ?
Sometimes we might enjoy when we do something wrong, but then the after effects of such acts are terrible. For example, if someone kills a person out of rage, they might have fulfilled their urge of revenge and for a split of second they might of have liked it, but later on they feel bad, powerless and hate themselves for the rest of their lives. I cannot think of a better way to know to be good, than being and doing what you want to do.
I would like to be fit, healthy and confident. I would like to be polite and loved by my family and friends. I would like to be helpful and courageous. I would like to be capable and self dependent. I would like to be Happy and Blissful. I would like to be kind and generous. I would like to be successful and disciplined. I tried to write this, and despite best efforts to put down something bad, I am not able to put being something bad or doing something bad is something I would like to do. So it sort of looks like I know what I want to do and be. But am I always liking myself. Answer is a resounding NO. It shows that I lack self respect, but respect any of the types can only be commanded. So even respecting myself can come from what I do.
All my life I have been aiming at being that someone whom I can respect. Impeccable respect for myself is a dream hard to fulfill. I have become better in one way and worst in another way. There are things that I want to change about myself. I would like to be more composed, more disciplined and more self dependent . I dont like to feel depressed or finding the daily mundane routine as unbearable torture of existence. And yet exactly what I hate is what I am, at times. I feel powerless caught up in the unwanted acts, unwanted emotions and unwanted circumstances. I run away and escape from them for a while and then suddenly the vices come back in full force and hit me. I fall flat under their burden and take a long time to get back at life.
What is it about us that is Bad and what is it that is good ? If we look at scriptures they have been telling the same things from ages . All major religions preach kindness, pious nature and living in simplicity. That is what all great godly people have told people to do. To kill greed, to kill hatred and bias, to kill the jealousy and wickedness. And yet people following the same religious scriptures have done the most brutal things all the name of religion. So religion might not help a person truly in the quest of being good all they need. They might show a path, but how people interpret it is based on other factors, and what they have been led to believe. There is a path but it is so devious that if we do not tread with light of inner conscience then we might be lost in the jungles of confusion.
We might want to follow some role models. But I think it is very important to concentrate of the good part of them rather than getting confused with the unexplained part. Generally people who are famous are so, because they had something really very good if we are not talking about the notorious. But what I have noted often is how far people go to sabotage the reputation of the great and noble. People write essays on their moral strength, their courage or lack of it, their fidelity or lack of it.
Though great people have been appreciate it mostly came late not early in their lives. That is what confuses me are the standards higher for some than others ? Or is it a world of ever increasing standards which we try to meet but end up in vain as they are too tough to reach.What is good is what people show to the world. There is that other side of you which you never show. I might be jealous of someone, but I will not show it. And yet I may not act out of jealousy. So the thoughts as such are not harmful. So in the highest level most people are good. They don't generally kill others, hurt others or do things to impact others. But when we try to go deeper, each one of us is bad in numerous ways. We dont appreciate others much, we cannot accept easily others prosperity and our own adversity. We know what is good, and yet we do not want to be that good. I have seen many people exclaim in vain “ I AM NO GOD ”. And honestly we do not try hard enough to be GOD and something closer to him or her. I use this sense of gender of God, again in an effort to say that we do not exactly know God's gender. Infact the word gender is a product of mortal world isn't it ?
Personally I feel that going to great lengths to be good is not good. I have seen it in the world. The people who kill others at times are not barbaric but they are just too religious. I feel they are vulnerable sect who just believe someone who is wrong. And yet they kill in the name of God out of the distorted belief that it will please God. Other work too hard to please someone and when that fails they do things which should not be done. Some feel aimless in life, don't know what to do with it and end up taking drugs or succumb to other addictions. Some succumb to jealousy, some to greed , some to despair and some to religion and some to fame. So is it all about losing to something ? May be not, but we must come to terms with what we are. Unless we do that, other ways to be good in the eyes of God or our family or friends or self is tough. And once we do that, we might be able to resolve the complex riddle of life.
Honor it is such a nice word isn't it ? Courage it feels too good to have it. Love it feels like heaven to love and be loved. And yet like the dark side to all these good things come the dark sides of it. People kill women in the name of Honor , people do daring things to prove that they can dare them, people make a mess out of themselves for the sake of Love. The God Almighty wherever he or she is surely too complicated and tough to please. Having one good thing and not succumb to the side effects is the test we humans have to keep giving again and again in life. Why did the God not make it simpler to lead a good life ? As the Vedic wisdom says may be he relishes this game of Good and Bad.
Well its been a long essay writing about Good and Bad. It did come at a cost, at the cost of burnt curry but I hope it does some good to my soul and to the soul of readers. It is very tough to read others thoughts completely and relate to them but whoever is the reader I must thank them. Never to give up on anything is the only lesson we learn in life. We have to struggle to get better each day. We may not get all we want from life and something seemingly easy can defy you all your life, but we have to go on. We have to go on resisting the negative urges and try not to feel them and at least never act on them. I hope we all identify our only God who lies in our soul in our conscience constantly telling us what is good and bad. If there is God I cannot see where else he can be than the hearts of the subjects.
If I have been bad in life and unable to love myself that is mostly when I do not feel the love of my creator. We lose the signal and that is when we do blunders, but once we get the signal back we will do fine. So let me end with 3 cheers to the creator and our conscience.
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